you wanna hear a cool story?? Mmmk. So once upon a time there was a girl… One day she was drivin down the freeway and randomly got the number from a guy in a car sharing the road with her.  Cute way to meet, right?  For the sake of the story, let’s call the boy Ben and the girl Amanda.  Anyway… they go on several dates, hang out all the time, basically just become awesome friends.  Amanda doesn’t want it to go much further than that because of all of the douche fuckers that have screwed her over in the past, so she was extra careful and hesitant with Ben.  But then—after a few months—Ben takes her to a really nice, fancy restaurant.  They share lovely conversation and enjoy a fantastic meal together.  Then Ben invites Amanda to his house to watch a movie.  Amanda’s cheeks are hurting already by this point of the date because she was smiling so much.  Ben had been so wonderful and had made her so happy in the past few months.  So, when Ben tried to kiss Amanda during the movie, she let him.  For the next month or so Ben and Amanda are starting to act like a real couple.  Amanda is really starting to like this guy.  She’s really opening up to him.  Brick by brick, he was taking down the wall around her heart.  But there was nothing discussed.  Amanda was unsure of what Ben thought of her in return, though she could feel herself falling for him.  The Sunday before Thanksgiving break, the two bake brownies, watch Peter Pan, and play rock paper scissors.  They were in full fledged couple mode.  When Ben left her apartment, Amanda was absolutely giddy.  Thanksgiving came and went.  And, while Amanda was home for the break, the two barely talked.  Even the following week when Amanda was back at school, they hardly talked.  Then the Friday after Thanksgiving break, Amanda takes some initiative and asks Ben if he’d like to do something that night.  He says he can’t because he has a camping trip planned with his best friend Austin.   After giving him a hard time for insanely camping in the freezing weather, she goes on with her evening.  Later that night, at approximately 10 pm, she sees Ben’s best friend Austin on Facebook chat.  ”How’s camping?” “Oh, it’s good.” “That’s just great…”  Austin doesn’t have a smart phone.  Amanda decides not to text Ben again until he takes some initiative.  So they don’t talk.  A few nights ago, Amanda is Facebook chatting with Austin.  ”Did ya’ll really go camping the other night?” “No. We didn’t” “I didn’t think so.” “Yeah. Sorry about that. Normally we have our lies better orchestrated. But he didn’t clue me in on that one.”  Amanda, after several douche fuckers in a row, has at this point decided that she will die an old maid.  But wait. It gets better.  Amanda gets online and decides to see how good ol’ Ben is doin.  So she naturally goes to stalk his Facebook wall.  Six hours prior a Miss “Natalie” had tagged Ben in a picture of the two of them on a romantic date in front of some beautiful lights with Ben’s arm around Natalie and Natalie’s hand on Ben’s chest.  Amanda shows her roommates the picture “Wow.  She really looks like you.”

When the fuck am I gonna find a guy who actually wants me?? I have been taken advantage of so many fucking times.  I just want to feel wanted.  But no, clearly there is something wrong with me.  Call me mellow dramatic… but it’s been 12. 12 douche bags in a row to take advantage of me and screw me over and get away with it because I’m too nice to say anything about it.

I haven’t talked to Ben since he told me he was going camping.  I haven’t seen him since the Sunday before Thanksgiving.